Series 2: The Aftermath
When Their Voice Becomes Your Inner Critic
Explore how narcissistic traits can live within us after trauma. Learn to recognize, understand, and heal the internalized patterns that once controlled you.
2: Self-Gaslighting
"When the denial becomes your default."
Self-gaslighting sounds like:
- "Maybe I was overreacting."
- "They didn’t mean it that way."
- "I made it worse."
It’s what happens when their manipulation becomes your self-talk. You start editing your truth before anyone else can challenge it.
Especially in queer relationships, where your identity has already been questioned, this self-doubt can feel like humility. But it’s not. It’s learned silence.
3: The Inner Critic
"When your worst thoughts wear their voice."
You’re lazy. Dramatic. Impossible. Too much.
Sound familiar?
The inner critic is often a remix of the voices that shaped you: parents, teachers, bullies, exes.
For survivors of narcissistic abuse, the critic becomes brutal:
- "You’re lucky anyone puts up with you."
- "You’re not really gay/queer/trans enough."
- "You’re broken — no one else would love you."
It’s not truth. It’s a script. And it’s time to rewrite it.
"It wasn’t your voice. It was your training."
4: Performing Safety
"When protection becomes performance."
After abuse, many survivors learn to curate themselves. They shrink, silence, soften, or shape-shift to avoid rejection.
What looks like confidence is sometimes fear in costume. You’re trying to be lovable by being less.
But your real safety won’t come from being palatable. It comes from being real.
Where do you perform safety instead of feeling it? What does your truest self want permission to do or say?
5: Exercise — Rewrite the Inner Script
"Make your mind a safer place."
Instructions:
In one column, list 5 things the critic says. In another, write the counter-story in your own words.
Example:
- Critic: "You’re too needy."
- Truth: "I have human needs. I deserve to be met with care."
Repeat aloud. Daily. With your hand over your chest. It matters.