Open Journals
Dive into personal reflections, insights, and research-informed posts about narcissistic abuse recovery for LGBTQ+ survivors.
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
A Mental Health Resource for the Gay Community
A Brief History of NPD
The term “narcissism” comes from Greek mythology, where Narcissus, a beautiful young man, falls in love with his own reflection. Psychologists began using the concept in the early 20th century to describe self-obsession, but it wasn’t officially recognized as a personality disorder until 1980, when it was added to the DSM.
Historically, psychology has often pathologized queer people. Until 1973, homosexuality itself was listed as a mental disorder. So it’s important to approach diagnoses like NPD with care and context — especially when talking about marginalized communities. Not every expression of confidence or self-protection is a disorder. But when patterns become painful or harmful, support is available.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition marked by an ongoing pattern of inflated self-image, a strong need for attention or admiration, and difficulty feeling empathy for others. It’s not just about being “vain” or “self-absorbed” — it’s a deeper personality pattern that can affect relationships, work, and self-worth over time.
In queer spaces — especially in the gay community — traits associated with narcissism can sometimes be misunderstood or even normalized, especially in scenes that emphasize image, status, or survival through confidence. But NPD is different from simply having high self-esteem or strong boundaries. It’s often rooted in complex emotional wounds, and while it can be difficult to address, it is possible to seek healing and change.
Diagnosis: How Is NPD Identified? - The DSM Criteria
Diagnosing NPD involves a thorough assessment by a licensed mental health professional, usually through conversations, questionnaires, and observing long-term behavior patterns. According to the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), a person must show a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
- has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
- is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
- requires excessive admiration
- has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
- is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
- lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
- is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
- shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
These traits often develop as protective armor — especially in people who experienced early emotional neglect, trauma, or environments where love was conditional.
However, diagnosing NPD isn’t always straightforward — especially for queer individuals who may have learned to hide vulnerabilities or use confidence as a way to stay safe in a world that’s not always accepting. Therapists who understand LGBTQ+ experiences can better distinguish between survival strategies and deeper personality struggles.
It’s also worth noting: many people may have narcissistic traits without having the full disorder. Context matters.
Treatment and Support
There’s no “cure” for NPD, but treatment can help — especially when someone wants to better understand their patterns and build healthier relationships. The two main types of therapy used are:
- Psychodynamic therapy – focuses on deep emotional patterns and how early life experiences shaped them
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – helps people identify and shift harmful thought and behavior patterns
Many therapists now blend these approaches. However, progress depends heavily on the person’s willingness to reflect, stay open, and commit to the process. Treatment can be challenging, but it’s not impossible — especially with affirming, LGBTQ-aware mental health providers.
For the Gay Community: A Note on Compassion
It’s important to hold both empathy and boundaries when navigating narcissistic behavior in ourselves or others. Some people with NPD are hurting, even if they can’t always show it. Others may cause real harm, intentionally or not.
Whether you see these patterns in yourself, a partner, a friend, or someone in your community, you deserve safety, clarity, and care. Seeking help — for yourself or others — is not about blaming. It’s about understanding and healing.
The Many Faces of Narcissism
Understanding Traits, and Types of Narcissism
Narcissism is often painted with a broad brush—a self-absorbed personality with a craving for admiration. But beneath the surface, narcissism is a complex spectrum of traits that can manifest in many different forms, often shaped by individual experiences, cultural contexts, and identity. In particular, the LGBTQ+ community may experience or encounter narcissistic behavior differently, often due to the unique psychological and social landscapes they navigate.
What Is Narcissism? At its core, narcissism refers to traits associated with self-importance, a deep need for validation, and often a lack of genuine empathy. It exists on a spectrum—ranging from healthy self-confidence to more extreme and dysfunctional forms like Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Narcissism vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
It's important to distinguish between narcissistic traits and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many people exhibit narcissistic behaviors at times—seeking attention, wanting recognition, or being self-focused. These traits can be situational and even developmentally appropriate (e.g., in adolescence). NPD, on the other hand, is a clinical diagnosis recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). It is characterized by a pervasive pattern of: - Grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior) - A constant need for admiration - A lack of empathy - Exploitative interpersonal relationships - Difficulty regulating self-esteem The difference lies in severity, consistency, and impact. Narcissistic traits may be mild, context-dependent, or flexible, whereas NPD is rigid, persistent across life situations, and significantly impairs relationships and functioning. But not all narcissism is overt or destructive. Understanding the different types can help us identify narcissistic behaviors more accurately and compassionately—especially in marginalized groups like the LGBTQ+ community, where survival strategies can sometimes mimic narcissistic patterns.
NPD Characteristics & Traits
The following list is a collection of some of the more commonly observed behaviors and traits of those who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Note that these are not intended to be used for diagnosis. People who suffer from NPD are all unique and so each person will display a different subset of traits. Also, note that everyone displays "narcissistic" behaviors from time to time. Therefore, if a person exhibits one or some of these traits, that does not necessarily qualify them for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Abusive Cycle - This is the name for the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.
"Always" and "Never" Statements - "Always" and "Never" Statements are declarations containing the words "always" or "never". They are commonly used but rarely true.
Anger - People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused.
Baiting - A provocative act used to solicit an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another individual.
Blaming - The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.
Cheating - Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.
Denial - Believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory does not exist or did not happen.
Dissociation - A psychological term used to describe a mental departure from reality.
Emotional Abuse - Any pattern of behavior directed at one individual by another which promotes in them a destructive sense of Fear, Obligation or Guilt (FOG).
False Accusations - Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.
Grooming - Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.
Imposed Isolation - When abuse results in a person becoming isolated from their support network, including friends and family.
Ompulsiveness - The tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.
Normalizing - Normalizing is a tactic used to desensitize an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviors. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to get them to agree to, or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms or their own basic code of behavior.
"Not My Fault" Syndrome - The practice of avoiding personal responsibility for one's own words and actions.
No-Win Scenarios - When you are manipulated into choosing between two bad options
Relationship Hyper Vigilance - Maintaining an unhealthy level of interest in the behaviors, comments, thoughts and interests of others.
Sabotage - The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.
Scapegoating - Singling out one child, employee or member of a group of peers for unmerited negative treatment or blame.
Self-Aggrandizement - A pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness designed to create an appearance of superiority.
Sense of Entitlement - An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.
Sexual Objectification - Viewing another individual in terms of their sexual usefulness or attractiveness rather than pursuing or engaging in a quality interpersonal relationship with them.
Shaming - The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.
Targered Humor, Mocking, and Sarcasm - Any sustained pattern of joking, sarcasm or mockery which is designed to reduce another individual’s reputation in their own eyes or in the eyes of others.
Testing - Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to a relationship.
Types of Narcissists and Their Characteristics
1. Grandiose Narcissist
2. Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissist
2. Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissist
Description: The grandiose narcissist is what most people imagine when they hear the term "narcissist." They are overtly confident, assertive, and often domineering. This type thrives on attention, admiration, and power. They often believe they are superior to others and may have little tolerance for criticism.
Cultural Context: In mainst
Description: The grandiose narcissist is what most people imagine when they hear the term "narcissist." They are overtly confident, assertive, and often domineering. This type thrives on attention, admiration, and power. They often believe they are superior to others and may have little tolerance for criticism.
Cultural Context: In mainstream gay male culture, particularly in Western urban centers, this type can emerge through the valorization of status, beauty, and charisma. Grandiose narcissists in these spaces may present as social influencers, nightlife royalty, or community figureheads who thrive on visibility.
Common Traits: - Inflated self-image - Charismatic but domineering - Dismissive of differing opinions - Difficulty with empathy.
2. Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissist
2. Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissist
2. Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissist
Description: Unlike their grandiose counterparts, vulnerable narcissists are introverted, emotionally sensitive, and easily wounded by criticism. They may appear humble or shy, but this masks deep feelings of entitlement and resentment. Their need for validation is just as intense, but often hidden beneath a surface of passive-aggressiven
Description: Unlike their grandiose counterparts, vulnerable narcissists are introverted, emotionally sensitive, and easily wounded by criticism. They may appear humble or shy, but this masks deep feelings of entitlement and resentment. Their need for validation is just as intense, but often hidden beneath a surface of passive-aggressiveness or victimhood.
Cultural Context: Within closeted or recently out individuals, this form can be shaped by years of internalized shame. For example, someone in a conservative or religious background who suppresses their identity may become hypersensitive and reactive to rejection, developing covert narcissistic traits as a defense.
Common Traits: - Hypersensitivity to feedback - Quiet self-righteousness - Victim mentality - Manipulative through guilt or silence.
3. Malignant Narcissist
2. Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissist
3. Malignant Narcissist
Description: This is the most toxic and dangerous type, combining narcissistic traits with antisocial behavior. Malignant narcissists are often controlling, manipulative, and even sadistic. They may derive satisfaction from others' pain or failures and tend to lack remorse.
Cultural Context: In LGBTQ+ communities where abuse or trauma has
Description: This is the most toxic and dangerous type, combining narcissistic traits with antisocial behavior. Malignant narcissists are often controlling, manipulative, and even sadistic. They may derive satisfaction from others' pain or failures and tend to lack remorse.
Cultural Context: In LGBTQ+ communities where abuse or trauma has gone unaddressed, malignant narcissists may emerge as domineering partners, manipulative activists, or predatory figures in mentorship roles. They often exploit younger or more vulnerable community members for control or admiration.
Common Traits: - Paranoia and hostility - Gaslighting and emotional abuse - Lack of remorse or accountability - Exploitation of others for power
4. Communal Narcissist
4. Communal Narcissist
3. Malignant Narcissist
Description: Communal narcissists derive their self-importance through helping others or being seen as a savior. They seek admiration not through material success or physical beauty, but through public displays of compassion, morality, or advocacy.
Cultural Context: In activist or nonprofit circles, communal narcissists may be drawn to lea
Description: Communal narcissists derive their self-importance through helping others or being seen as a savior. They seek admiration not through material success or physical beauty, but through public displays of compassion, morality, or advocacy.
Cultural Context: In activist or nonprofit circles, communal narcissists may be drawn to leadership roles where they can be seen as martyrs or moral authorities. While they may outwardly champion LGBTQ+ rights, their motivation may be ego-driven rather than rooted in empathy.
Common Traits: - Need to be seen as morally superior - Performative altruism - Undermining others under the guise of help - Fragile self-esteem masked by public virtue
5. Somatic Narcissist
4. Communal Narcissist
6. Cerebral Narcissist
Description: Somatic narcissists base their self-worth on physical appearance, sexual desirability, and bodily perfection. They are often obsessed with their looks, fitness, and sexual conquests. Their identity is tightly bound to their physical image.
Cultural Context: In gay male subcultures or drag performance communities where body ima
Description: Somatic narcissists base their self-worth on physical appearance, sexual desirability, and bodily perfection. They are often obsessed with their looks, fitness, and sexual conquests. Their identity is tightly bound to their physical image.
Cultural Context: In gay male subcultures or drag performance communities where body image and aesthetics are highly visible, somatic narcissism can be both celebrated and internalized. The pressure to appear flawless may lead to obsessive behaviors and competitiveness.
Common Traits: - Obsession with fitness, fashion, or beauty - Validation through sexual or visual appeal - Competitiveness in physical appearance - Shallow or short-lived relationships
6. Cerebral Narcissist
4. Communal Narcissist
6. Cerebral Narcissist
Description: Cerebral narcissists find superiority in intellect rather than appearance. They seek admiration for their intelligence, wit, or academic achievements. These individuals often devalue emotional expression and prioritize logic above all.
Cultural Context: In academic or intellectual LGBTQ+ spaces, cerebral narcissists may dismis
Description: Cerebral narcissists find superiority in intellect rather than appearance. They seek admiration for their intelligence, wit, or academic achievements. These individuals often devalue emotional expression and prioritize logic above all.
Cultural Context: In academic or intellectual LGBTQ+ spaces, cerebral narcissists may dismiss emotional or cultural perspectives in favor of rationality or theory. They may act as gatekeepers of knowledge or belittle others who challenge their authority.
Common Traits: - Intellectual elitism - Emotional detachment - Debate as dominance, not dialogue - Dismissive of lived experience
Understanding Narcissistic Abuse Tactics: The Open Journals
Why This Matters
Tags: #healing #narcissisticabuse #psychology #LGBTQsurvivors
By Rick & Benji
Narcissistic abuse is complex. It often begins with overwhelming affection, then shifts into manipulation, criticism, and cycles of control that leave survivors questioning their own reality. What makes it so difficult to recognize is that these patterns rarely show up all at once—they unfold slowly, and often feel like love in the beginning.
In this Open Journal Series, we—Rick and Benji—combine psychological insight with lived experience to explore the most common abuse tactics. Each entry offers breakdowns, real-world reflections, practical tips, and a journal prompt to help you process your own story.
These tactics are not isolated—they often appear together, forming cycles that trap survivors in confusion, dependency, and self-doubt. By naming them, you can begin to see the patterns, reclaim your voice, and take steps toward healing.
Each entry also includes a journal prompt to help you reflect and reconnect with your own truth—because healing isn’t just about understanding the psychology, it’s about rebuilding trust in yourself.
1. Gaslighting: When Reality Gets Twisted
Tags: #gaslighting #narcissism #confusion #psychology #LGBTQsurvivors
By Rick & Benji
Benji’s Breakdown: The Psychology of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a calculated form of psychological manipulation designed to make you doubt your own reality. It often begins subtly and escalates over time. A gaslighter may:
- Deny events or conversations you clearly remember
- Twist facts until you question your perception
- Use your insecurities against you to destabilize confidence
Gaslighting is especially common in narcissistic abuse, because keeping you confused makes you easier to control.
Rick’s Reflection: How It Feels from the Inside
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
At first, I believed them. Each time I spoke up about something that hurt me, I left the conversation feeling like I was the problem. Over time, I stopped trusting my memory—and eventually, I stopped trusting myself.
Common Gaslighting Phrases
- “That never happened.”
- “You’re crazy.”
- “You’re imagining things.”
- “You always twist everything.”
- “You’re just trying to start a fight.”
Benji’s Tip: How to Spot Gaslighting
Ask yourself:
- Do I constantly second-guess myself around this person?
- Do I apologize for things I didn’t do?
- Do I leave conversations more confused than before?
- Has my confidence shrunk over time?
If yes, you’re not too sensitive, you’re being manipulated.
Rick’s Last Word: What I Wish I’d Known
Gaslighting isn’t a misunderstanding—it’s intentional disorientation. Once you name it, you take your power back.
Journal Prompt
Write about a time you doubted your memory or feelings. Where did that doubt come from?
2. Love Bombing: When Affection Feels Overwhelming
Tags: #lovebombing #narcissism #manipulation #healing #LGBTQsurvivors
By Rick & Benji
Benji’s Breakdown: The Psychology of Love Bombing
Love bombing happens when someone overwhelms you with affection, gifts, and promises to fast-track emotional attachment. It often includes:
- Excessive compliments and constant attention
- Pressure for nonstop communication
- Grand promises of forever within days or weeks
In narcissistic abuse, love bombing isn’t love—it’s bait. Once you’re hooked, control often follows.
Rick’s Reflection: How It Feels from the Inside
“I’ve never felt this connected to anyone.”
“You’re my soulmate.”
At first, it felt magical—like I was finally seen and wanted. But soon came the pressure: “Why haven’t you replied? Do you not care?” Love bombing blurred my boundaries until I couldn’t tell where my needs ended and theirs began.
Common Love Bombing Behaviors
- “You’re the only person who truly understands me.”
- Grand gestures right away
- Demands for constant communication
- Future-faking: “We’re going to move in together, travel the world, get married…”
Benji’s Tip: How to Spot Love Bombing
- Is the relationship moving faster than feels comfortable?
- Do they get upset when you ask for space?
- Are their words bigger than their actions?
Rick’s Last Word: What I Wish I’d Known
Love isn’t rushed. If it feels like fireworks but burns too hot, too fast—it might not be love.
Journal Prompt
Describe the pace of your last intense relationship. Did you feel safe—or pressured?
3. Hoovering: When They Pull You Back In
Tags: #hoovering #narcissisticabuse #traumabonding #healing #LGBTQsurvivors
By Rick & Benji
Benji’s Breakdown: The Psychology of Hoovering
“Hoovering” is when an abuser tries to suck you back into the relationship after you’ve created distance or left. Tactics may include:
- Sudden apologies and promises to change
- Playing the victim to trigger empathy
- Using guilt, nostalgia, or shared memories as hooks
Hoovering thrives on trauma bonds and emotional vulnerability.
Rick’s Reflection: How It Feels from the Inside
“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“I’ve changed. I’m different now.”
The messages came when I finally started to breathe. A part of me wanted to believe them—but another part whispered: You’ve been here before.
Common Hoovering Tactics
- “I’ll never find anyone like you.”
- Sudden emergencies: “I need you.”
- Sending gifts or reminders of good times
- Ignoring boundaries, you’ve clearly set
Benji’s Tip: How to Spot Hoovering
- Do their actions match their words this time?
- Are they respecting the boundaries you’ve set?
- Does the conversation feel urgent, desperate, or manipulative?
Rick’s Last Word: What I Wish I’d Known
Every time I went back, nothing changed. The apology was bait. Healing began when I stopped taking the hook.
Journal Prompt
Write about a time someone tried to pull you back after you left. What feelings came up, and how did you respond?
4. Silent Treatment: Communication as Punishment
Tags: #silenttreatment #emotionalabuse #control #healing #LGBTQsurvivors
By Rick & Benji
Benji’s Breakdown: The Psychology of Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a form of emotional control where communication is cut off to punish you. It can look like:
- Withholding affection or responses
- Acting cold without explanation
- Making you chase them for reconnection
In narcissistic abuse, silence is used to make you feel invisible and desperate for approval.
Rick’s Reflection: How It Feels from the Inside
I’d stare at my phone, waiting for a message that never came. Days felt like weeks. The silence screamed louder than words ever could. I thought if I just loved harder, it would stop. But it never did.
Common Silent Treatment Patterns
- Ghosting during conflict
- Walking away mid-conversation
- “Forgetting” plans as punishment
- Answering only when they want something
Benji’s Tip: How to Spot Silent Treatment
- Are you always the one to repair things?
- Do they avoid responsibility by avoiding you?
- Do you feel small, invisible, or erased when it happens?
Rick’s Last Word: What I Wish I’d Known
Silence can feel like love is lost, but it’s often power gained—for them, not you. You deserve communication, not punishment.
Journal Prompt
When someone went silent on you, how did it make you feel about yourself?
5. Triangulation: Pitting You Against Others
Tags: #triangulation #manipulation #control #healing #LGBTQsurvivors
By Rick & Benji
Benji’s Breakdown: The Psychology of Triangulation
Triangulation happens when someone involves a third person to manipulate or destabilize you. Common tactics include:
- Comparing you to others
- Bringing outsiders into private conflicts
- Using jealousy to provoke competition
It’s designed to make you doubt your worth and chase validation.
Rick’s Reflection: How It Feels from the Inside
“She would never treat me the way you do.”
I used to feel like I was constantly competing for love I thought I already had. Triangulation turned connection into a race I could never win.
Common Triangulation Tactics
- Comparing you to an ex or friend
- Sharing private fights with outsiders
- “So-and-so agrees with me.”
- Using other people’s opinions to control you
Benji’s Tip: How to Spot Triangulation
- Are they involving outsiders in your relationship issues?
- Do you feel pitted against others for approval?
- Are you being compared more than you’re being loved?
Rick’s Last Word: What I Wish I’d Known
Love isn’t a competition. If you feel like you’re auditioning for your own relationship, something deeper is wrong.
Journal Prompt
Write about a time someone compared you to someone else. How did it impact your self-worth?
6. Future Faking: Promises Without Intent
Tags: #futurefaking #betrayal #narcissisticabuse #healing #LGBTQsurvivors
By Rick & Benji
Benji’s Breakdown: The Psychology of Future Faking
Future faking is when someone makes big promises about the future with no intention of keeping them. It often looks like:
- Talking about marriage, trips, or plans that never happen
- Using fantasy to keep you hooked
- Creating dependency through false hope
It’s powerful because it ties you to an imagined future, not reality.
Rick’s Reflection: How It Feels from the Inside
“We’re going to build a life together.”
I waited. Planned. Believed. But nothing ever came. Future faking kept me dreaming while they kept control.
Common Future Faking Phrases
- “We’ll get married.”
- “We’ll travel the world.”
- “Just wait, everything will change.”
- “Trust me, we’re almost there.”
Benji’s Tip: How to Spot Future Faking
- Do their promises consistently go unfulfilled?
- Are you holding on to a fantasy instead of reality?
- Are their plans always tomorrow, never today?
Rick’s Last Word: What I Wish I’d Known
Love built on empty promises is still emptiness. You deserve actions, not illusions.
Journal Prompt
What promises were made to you that never came true? How did they shape your trust?
7. Devaluation: From Idealization to Discard
Tags: #devaluation #narcissisticabuse #healing #traumacycle #LGBTQsurvivors
By Rick & Benji
Benji’s Breakdown: The Psychology of Devaluation
After love bombing, narcissistic abuse often shifts to devaluation—where admiration turns to criticism. This stage includes:
- Magnifying your flaws
- Withholding affection
- Conditional love and inconsistent attention
The hot-and-cold cycle keeps you craving the initial idealization.
Rick’s Reflection: How It Feels from the Inside
One day, I was perfect. The next, I couldn’t do anything right. I kept chasing the version of me they loved before, not realizing that version was never real to them.
Common Devaluation Behaviors
- Criticizing your looks, thoughts, or feelings
- Mocking or eye-rolling in public
- Comparing you negatively to others
- Making you feel “too much” or “not enough”
Benji’s Tip: How to Spot Devaluation
- Has affection suddenly disappeared without reason?
- Do you feel like you’re always failing now?
- Are you working harder to earn basic kindness?
Rick’s Last Word: What I Wish I’d Known
You can’t win back respect from someone committed to tearing you down.
Journal Prompt
Write about a time someone’s treatment of you suddenly shifted. How did it affect your sense of self?
8. Trauma Bonding: Why It’s Hard to Let Go
Tags: #traumabonding #healing #narcissisticabuse #psychology #LGBTQsurvivors
By Rick & Benji
Benji’s Breakdown: The Psychology of Trauma Bonding
Trauma bonding is the emotional glue that forms between abusers and survivors during repeated cycles of abuse and rewards. The cycle looks like this:
- Love bombing builds attachment
- Devaluation breaks you down
- Small doses of affection hook you again
Your nervous system bonds to both pain and relief, making it incredibly hard to leave—even when you know you should.
Rick’s Reflection: How It Feels from the Inside
I knew it wasn’t healthy. I knew I deserved better. But every time I tried to leave, the pull was unbearable. That’s the trap: trauma bonds make leaving feel like losing a piece of yourself.
Common Trauma Bonding Signs
- Feeling addicted to someone who hurts you
- Defending them when others raise concerns
- Repeatedly forgiving without lasting change
- Feeling stuck even when you want out
Benji’s Tip: How to Spot Trauma Bonding
- Do you feel intense highs and lows in the relationship?
- Are you mistaking relief after pain for love?
- Does living feel unbearable, even unsafe?
Rick’s Last Word: What I Wish I’d Known
Love shouldn’t hurt this much. Healing begins when you see the pattern—and choose yourself.
Journal Prompt
What keeps you tied to someone who’s hurt you? What would freedom look like?
The Brain and MBTI
Exposing the Hidden Forces of Manipulation
Welcome to a provocative exploration into the deepest recesses of consciousness, manipulation, and identity—tailored for those who have often walked between the lines of societal norms. "The Brain and MBTI: Exposing the Hidden Forces of Manipulation" is more than a philosophical text—it is a mirror held up to our collective psyche, especially those of us in the LGBTQ+ community who have long faced subtle and overt psychological pressure. This journal series, hosted on RickRift.com, breaks down each chapter into insights designed to affirm, empower, and awaken. Whether you’re healing from rejection, navigating spiritual evolution, or discovering how your queerness defies old paradigms, these reflections are your portal.
This journey is especially curated for gay men and queer readers who often live in opposition to traditional identity systems. Here, queerness is not an exception—it’s an evolution.
Journal 1: Earth, The Brain, and the Framework of Thought
Journal 1: Earth, The Brain, and the Framework of Thought
We begin with foundational dualities—space-time, material-spirit, body-mind—that shape our very sense of being. For gay men, the tension between what is expressed and what is repressed has often defined the inner struggle. Queer identity has always been about more than just orientation; it is an entire epistemology, an embodied resistance to dualistic thinking.
This chapter encourages you to reframe the way you view your inner world. What if your consciousness is the real terrain where transformation begins? Mike suggests that our minds are layered like the planet itself, and that our ability to feel deeply, imagine, and think laterally comes from our unique sensitivity to this multi-layered reality.
Prompt: How have you learned to exist between binaries—masculine/feminine, visible/invisible, spirit/body? Where do you feel most whole?
Journal 2: Consciousness and the Observable Universe
To be queer is to live with a kind of cosmic sensitivity. In this chapter, Mike invites us to see our inner worlds as galaxies—shaped by interaction, reflection, and complexity. For gay men, the universe often becomes a sanctuary for the emotions and imaginations that culture tries to silence.
The architecture of your thoughts mirrors the structure of the universe: spirals of memory, starbursts of imagination, black holes of trauma, and radiant constellations of joy. Consciousness becomes both your telescope and spaceship. When we understand this, we see queerness not as anomaly—but as natural, cosmic, and vital.
Prompt: What cosmic truth about yourself have you always known but were once afraid to say aloud?
Journal 3: The Brain as a Digital Server
To be queer is to live with a kind of cosmic sensitivity. In this chapter, Mike invites us to see our inner worlds as galaxies—shaped by interaction, reflection, and complexity. For gay men, the universe often becomes a sanctuary for the emotions and imaginations that culture tries to silence.
The architecture of your thoughts mirrors the structure of the universe: spirals of memory, starbursts of imagination, black holes of trauma, and radiant constellations of joy. Consciousness becomes both your telescope and spaceship. When we understand this, we see queerness not as anomaly—but as natural, cosmic, and vital.
Prompt: What cosmic truth about yourself have you always known but were once afraid to say aloud?
Journal 4: Psychological Manipulation and Quantum Attack
Manipulation, as queer folks know too well, isn’t always loud. It’s in the pressure to conform, the jokes that devalue, the shame passed down like inheritance. This chapter explores how manipulation operates on an energetic and subconscious level—and how queer people are uniquely attuned to detect it.
Gay men often develop high sensitivity not out of fragility but necessity. We can sense the emotional temperature in a room before a word is spoken. Mike calls this the "quantum impact"—the way consciousness touches and changes reality. Here, we reclaim that gift, not as paranoia, but as precision.
Prompt: Think of a moment where your identity was minimized or twisted. How would you rewrite that scene from your truth?
Journal 5: Recognition and Healing
Healing from societal manipulation isn’t just personal—it’s radical. For gay men, healing often means confronting years of internalized shame, religion-based trauma, and gender policing. Mike’s tools, like "information-building," are not just techniques—they're blueprints for reconstructing selfhood.
This chapter invites you to recognize manipulation as a patterned invasion—and healing as a return to wholeness. Whether through dreams, introspection, queer friendship, or therapy, healing becomes the practice of remembering who you were before shame was taught to you.
Prompt: What part of your queer self are you ready to reclaim—loudly, beautifully, and without apology?
Journal 6: MBTI and the Architecture of Personality
The MBTI becomes a prism, not a box, when applied to queer lives. Gay men often grow up suppressing traits (like sensitivity, intuition, or gentleness) to survive heteronormative environments. But here, Mike invites us to reframe personality as layered identity—an architecture we get to explore, not defend.
This chapter reveals how queerness intersects with typology. It also shows how your MBTI isn’t static—it adapts and evolves. Maybe you were an introvert in high school out of fear. Maybe now you are expressive and socially magnetic. Who you are is not a fixed chart. It’s a growing, glowing self.
Prompt: If you weren’t being judged or watched, how would your personality express itself more freely?
Journal 7: MBTI and the Roots of Violence
This is the reckoning chapter. It dives into how psychological violence is often masked as correction, and how society weaponizes shame against those who deviate. For gay men, violence may begin subtly: a raised eyebrow, a withheld opportunity, a misgendering moment. But the wound goes deep.
Mike suggests that many social systems are built to suppress difference. Understanding how personality clashes can create tension is one step. But deeper still is the acknowledgment that queer people have always been scapegoated for cultural fear. This journal offers tools for reframing your power as a gift, not a threat.
Prompt: In what ways have you been taught to fear your own power? What would it look like to reclaim it without fear?
Journal 8: MBTI and Social Reality
Social systems tend to reward conformity. But queer folks are innovators—we don't just live outside the system, we redesign it. This chapter explores how different MBTI types interact with social norms, and how those of us with queer identities often create alternative realities: chosen families, drag cultures, underground movements.
This is a celebration of the subversive. Mike invites you to consider how your gayness challenges assumptions and opens doors. You’re not too much—you’re a blueprint for what’s next. Your difference is not the problem. It’s the prototype.
Prompt: Where have you had to build your own reality because the dominant one wouldn’t include you? How did it feel?
Journal 9: MBTI and Evolutionary Consciousness
What if queerness is not a detour—but an evolutionary fast-track? Mike’s model of psychological evolution aligns beautifully with the lived queer experience. Queer people are often the first to imagine, embody, and live truths others haven’t yet accepted.
Whether it’s deconstructing gender, loving without binaries, or seeking emotional truth over social roles, this chapter frames your identity as part of humanity’s consciousness shift. You’re not ahead of your time—you are right on time, bringing the future with you.
Prompt: If queerness is evolution, what are you here to help humanity become?
Journal 10: MBTI and the Afterlife
What happens after we die? Mike offers a perspective rooted in information, consciousness, and spiritual continuity. For queer people, especially gay men who’ve faced religious exclusion, this chapter is healing. The afterlife isn’t a reward we earn for conformity—it’s a continuation of the inner world we nurture now.
Imagine an afterlife where queerness isn’t erased but exalted. Where intimacy isn’t judged. Where creativity is currency. Where souls dance without shame. In Mike’s view, the mind is already touching eternity every time we love honestly, imagine fiercely, and resist fear.
Prompt: Describe your afterlife as your most unapologetically queer self. What’s possible there that isn’t here yet?
Final Thoughts
This series is for the ones who have felt like a contradiction. For gay men who grew up hiding their hands, softening their voices, or trying to be small. For those who now understand that their intuition is sacred, their imagination is prophetic, and their love is a revolutionary act.
You are not broken. You are blueprint.
✨ Editor/Curator: Rick