The Rift Open Journal

What Is Gaslighting?

Tags: #gaslighting #narcissism #confusion #psychology #LGBTQsurvivors
By Rick & Benji 

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation used to make someone doubt their own memory, perception, or sanity. It doesn’t start with obvious cruelty—it starts with subtle corrections, dismissive tones, or denials that leave you second-guessing what actually happened.

Over time, this repeated distortion of reality leads to:

• Self-doubt (“Maybe I am overreacting…”) 
• Dependency (“They seem so sure—maybe they know better…”)
• Emotional paralysis (“I don’t even trust my own thoughts anymore.”)

At its core, gaslighting is about control, not misunderstanding. It’s common in narcissistic relationships because it allows the abuser to rewrite truth—and silence yours.

I didn’t realize it was gaslighting until I couldn’t recognize myself anymore.

At first, it felt like I was just being “sensitive.” He’d say things like:

“You’re remembering it wrong.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You always twist everything.”
 

Each time I tried to set a boundary or express hurt, I was made to feel irrational, dramatic, or broken. I began questioning if my reactions were valid. If my feelings were real. If I was the problem.

I now know: that confusion was not a flaw in me—it was the result of psychological manipulation.

• “You’re too sensitive.”
   
• “You’re imagining things.”
   
• “That never happened.”
   
• “You’re crazy.”
   
• “You’re just trying to start a fight.”
   

These statements aren't just hurtful—they’re meant to erase your truth.d.

Ask yourself:

• Do I constantly second-guess myself around them?
   
• Do I feel confused after interactions, even when I entered calm?
   
• Do I apologize a lot—even when I don’t know what I did wrong?
   
• Has my self-confidence shrunk over time?
   

If yes, you're likely not being “too sensitive”—you’re being strategically destabilized.

Gaslighting didn’t just make me question my memory.
It made me question my right to exist in truth.
And that is never love. 

“When was the first time I ignored my own reality to keep the peace?”
Write it. Feel it. You deserve your truth back.